You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
