The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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