it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
