Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
