So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
