Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
