I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
