No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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