Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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