I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Randomize
