I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
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I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
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Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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