i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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