i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
