Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
