she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
