I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
