At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
