I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
