just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
