they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
