It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
