Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I love having hate sex.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
