I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
