i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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