whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
