I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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