somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
