don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
