flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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