She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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