Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
