i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
