How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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