How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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