I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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