So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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