Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
