i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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