You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
