so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
