you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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