fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
