some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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