Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
