Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
