I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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