I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
