I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
