Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
