So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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