i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
