so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
