There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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