So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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