she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
