I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
