I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
