i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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