Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
