I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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