How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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