i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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