The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
