yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm at about main and main street
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
