I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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