I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
