I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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