i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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