Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
