i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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