If that was your dad, he is hot
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
