you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
