I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
