my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
