I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
